Inspiration

 Some insiration for home workout. Don't tell me you have no to for working out. If you want you can make time for anything. Why can you spent hours on your laptop,or watching a movie,but you can't workout?
At least try to find few minutes a day and workout,you will feel happier I promise. Try 20-30 mins a day. Or 3x a week. Also change your mealplan. If you already eat healther,you ae one step closer to your new body.
But nothing will change when you don't want to change.

New day,new challenges,new adventures

I wrote down what I will eat tomorrow...
Lot of fruits and veggie. (and the other things of course)
I really like to eat fruit and if I could I would eat it whole day,week,month,year,life :D
But I also love vegeteble.

And since new year,I want to go vegan again,because I'm tired of these whole cheese,yoghurt thing.
To be honest I felt much better when I didn't eat any animal products.

How it went today?

Oh,a well better than yesterday....I ate a lot more healther today,and I feel like that too. I know it is just one day but I do.

I don't like the fact I weight a little more,but I hope I will change it untill March.

And okay I ate few gingermen,but I made them vegan,healthy way.
But I didn't overeat myself,and I worked out harder than yesterday. (yay)

I believe I can lose the belly and body fat I have,it needs time. Rome wasn't built in a day too.
Everything needs time,I need time to understand what my body really needs and wants.

I don't like how my  body looks,but I love my body,and I will give it what it needs.


I need to eat healthy,and stop eating junk food,and everything will be okay. :)

Why I ruin everything?

Since I decided to loose weigth (fat) but nothing changed at all.
I even gained some weight. Few days everything was okay,and I lost about 2 kgs,but then...
I stared to eat sweets,junk food etc.,and time to time I overate myself..I feel bad for it now,because I would really like to have my dream body (I don't want to be extra skinny girl,that you can't hug because you would break her bones..) I want to be fit,and gain some muscles,and have flat belly,and I know I can do it,but somehow I'm still on the same place,and I'm f*cking tired to be that fat girl.



well I'm glad food isn't fear for me anymore,but sometimes I wish it was.
Everyday I told myslef I will eat healther tomorrow,but I always find myself eating junk,sweets or unhealthy food....

But I was looking for some plans,new workouts and stuff and I found few things,so I'm going to try it,and see what it does with me. And hopefully I will reach my goal weight till March,I told myself I want to weight 47-45 kg untill then. So lets see what I can do,I also started nike training club program,and going to to tabata,and cardio (well just low impact cardio because my parents don't like when I lots of jumping things,so I can do hiit or cardio only when they aren't at home. I think it wont be that hard.

 I know I said I don't want to be skinny girl,but I want to try this plan because the other ones look really triggering. So lets do this!


Also I will try to take pictures of my progress,so you will see how I am doing...






And I would be really glad if I look like this in few moths. :) so wish me luck

I have found few things that may help me in my journy.

I will have that dream body before summer,and I will keep it.

old thoughts

So,well..I have no idea how should I start.
but,something has changed and I'm tired again....
And well I have gained so much weight these few months,it would be okay if I gained muscels,but I don't.
I'm thinking about eat less calories again,which I already am doing.
I had really bad relationship with food,like I ate normaly the whole day,but when I get home from school I ate whole fridge.And I don't want to continue with this...

Also,I was looking at my old pics (in recovery,and of course before) and I took few pics too,and I compared them..... well...I can tell I'm not proud of myself...

It's time to loose little bit of weight,and get back my muscles...I have tried lot of things but nothing worked....

So,here is my plan for next 3 months,I will eat everyday ,2-4 meals a day,I will not eat more than 1000 calories,and less than 300 as well.
(I don't want ana back in my life...I want back my muscles....)
I will weight 48-45 till March.
I know Ican do this,cause I do it for me!
I look really shitty now,and I feel shitty too...

I will workout for at least 1 hour and burn about 800 kcal everyday
I will workout 6x per week, 2x cardio/hiit per week


Now my weight is 54kg (before ana I weighted 58 kg,during it 34kg, in recovery after recovery 45-48 kg)
my waist is 74cm big (before ana is was 88cm during it 55cm and after it 68cm)

BODY PLAN : WEIGHT 45-48KG (NOT LESS) TILL MARCH
WAIS SIZE 68-60CM (I DON'T THINK I WILL REACH THIS BUT IT WOULD BE NICE)
HAVE THIGHS GAP
GAIN MUSCLES,LOSE FAT.


Christmas is comming,I know,but since I'm vegetarian/vegan I do not eat meat,fish,junk food (okay time to time I eat pizza)


and of course here is my MEAL PLAN:1000kcal max
EAT YOGHURTS,CHEESES 3X PER WEEK
EAT VEGGIE AND FRUTS EVERYDAY
EAT JUNK FOOD,SWEETS ETC JUST 1X PER WEEK (OR NEVER)
EAT SOUPS
COOK AGAIN
DO NOT OVEREAT MYSELF


WORKOUT PLAN
BURN AT LEAST 800 KCAL
DO FOCUST 25
TABATA
HIIT
BLOGILATES
JILLIAN MICHAELS
FITNESSBLENDER
BOB HARPER
ARE MY NEW BEST FRIENDS FROM NOW


I told myself if I felt tired like really really tired I will not workout,or I will eat a little more.
Also,I do not want to ruin christmas,so I can't allowed myself to be sad....

So here it is,I'm ready.

Look at my another blog guys

It was my birthday last month (18).....
And I should be probably worrying about school,friends,boys and stuff..So why am I so obsess with how much I weigh or what body shape do I have. Ican say I'm recoved from anorexia (thanks god) but anyways,I think there will be always part of me,that will wish to be as skinny as I used to...
Sometimes I really miss the body I had...But I don't miss how much I hated myself,and I don't miss the fact I didn't eat anything....I also don't miss the tiredness...and those inner voices...
I'm actally glad I'm recovered...But those pics with happy healthy people who looks like greek gods and goddess don't make me really happy,because I'm trying really hard to look like them,but I think I can't do it....Nothing works on me,

I tried lot of things,and I still do.....I workout 6x per week,I eat heathly and enough,so my body is not tired anymore,but I can't see any muscles..I know they are somewhere there,I just can't see it thru the fat I do have on my belly...But everybody says I look fine.....But,do you know the feeling when somebody is telling you you are okay,fine,you look great,and another bullshit,but you still feel like the ugliest person ever? I do....

I still have those days when I feel okay with my body,and then those days when I do not....
My parents what the best for me,so they are buying me all the food I want to eat (sometimes it really expensive,and I feel embaressed...) Why can't I be the old good me,before all my life started to be hell?

I swear it is better now,and I'm really glad I'm not so skinny anymore but,I'm sad a little that I can't have body I want...Everything was hard for me exspecially the last school year...Now it is better a little but I still have some problems,and plus I do some healthy problems with my stomach and digestive tract, and gall-bladder oh and liver,so I'm pretty screwed up....There are lots of problems I have but those are some of the bigiest one.....

I gained a little more weight,and the reason is maybe the fact I have those problems,but I can say I'm starting to feel comfortable in my own skin,and I didnt felt like this for such a long time....


I have no idea why I wrote this...I just needed to let it out....http://thesegreeneyesofminee.blogspot.sk/

So I would really want to say you how good I look,how healthy I'm. How many friends I have. And how I'm dating a perfect boy,but I don't want to be the one who is lying you. So I will say the truth,and this is the truth.
I can't say I was't happy. I was,even without "happy pill"
But I think everything went bad when this one teacher started to teach us.
I felt there is something wrong with him (you know that feeling when you are looking at person and you know he is pure evil) But I tried to be "friendly" but he is stupid son of bitch and he hates me (I know it because he told me so.) He is about 35 years old and arrogant,and lofty,and he thinks he knows everything better than we do,and he like to haze us,he lies to tell us things and then scream at us how useless we are. Bu wait,he likes everyone except me and one other girl. Oh I would love to kill he so much I want to see him in pain.
I'm not the kind of person who wish just the worst for others,but if you could see himyou would want to kill him too. And,oh one end of the last school year he was in commission of the teacher who graded ours final works and he told me he didn't think I would made it to the next year,and he told me I'm not good enough. Like okay,he can think whatever he want about be. But why the fuck he had to tell me that. He knew I'm depressed,he knew I'm anorextic. And he had balls to told me this? Who the fuck he think he is?
I really how he won't teach me this year.

And whne school was over I felt like all the pressure just went away. I felt good,free.
But as soone as the holiday came just that soone is went away,and I had few last free days till hell will start again,and to be honest I'm really afrad,becasue I wanted to change myself during the holiday. But someting went wrong and I don't know what it is. Everything I'm sure about it I'm getting bad again.

So I noticed I'm starting to be depressed again...It all started few weeks ago,but it wasn't so strong as it is now.
I will be a week now,and I'm spending most of time in my room,I listen to sad songs,cry,I workout a lot more (I can't see any diferents) And I do not eat,or I eat more than I should,I hate myslef again. I'm scated to go bac to school again. And the voice from my head stared  talk to me again.

I really don't know what to do,because if I told my parents they would say it is just because of school. But I know the fear of school and fear of myself,fear of food,fear of anxiety,fear of being depressed. I know how it feels.

But yea,I'm afrad of school,of course I do.I'm afraid of that teacher,I'm afraid of girls from my school,beacuse they are all rich,and pretty,and the are popular,they got everything they want,and I'm just my,little shy ugly fat girl,who don't have any friends and everyone think she doesn't have feelings. So they can say what they want and she won't feel bad about herself,becasue she is sure used on the thngs like thar. But the don't realise that those words really hurt me and I'm person to,I'm breathing too,just like them.....


I wish I could have special school program,that means I could study from home,and I would go the school just few times,for tests,and grades and sfuff like that. That would be great,but I would have some healthy problems.

But I don't want to talk about school.
I'm afraid I could have overeating or buliamia problems this time. Because I noticed that time to time I eat a lot and I can't stop,and then I do lot of workout like HIIT,or cardio,or kickboxing to burn it out. Like today I ate almost full bread today,at the morning,and since then I didn't eat anything and I workedout for about 3 hours.... I told it to my mom and she said I'm not eating that much,but I think she is wrong I do eat tat much,I atethe whole cake yesterday,I ate all the cookies we had,and I ate one glass of marmalade... And I think that is fucking too much. And things like this started to happening few weeks ago....
I'm frustrated....

I really think it is overeating or buliamia,even the test for eating disorders  I did few time said I may have bulimia or overeating. So why my mom thinks it is normal to eat this much? I have never ate like this even before all te anorexia thing started,I was overweight of course but I never ate like that.....

I need help and I need it now.

hey hey everyone I'm back.

So, It was a long time since I was here for a last time. And a lot of things have changed since that. And if you want you can also read my second blog where I'm and probably wil be more active.
http://thesegreeneyesofminee.blogspot.sk/
I just wanted to said. My recovery went good. I reached the healthy weight. But I'm recoved just physically. But mentally it is on the same way as it used to be. But I was full recovered,and all this mentally thing started 2.3weeks ago,And I'm afraid I'm going back to the time where I used to be.