old thoughts

So,well..I have no idea how should I start.
but,something has changed and I'm tired again....
And well I have gained so much weight these few months,it would be okay if I gained muscels,but I don't.
I'm thinking about eat less calories again,which I already am doing.
I had really bad relationship with food,like I ate normaly the whole day,but when I get home from school I ate whole fridge.And I don't want to continue with this...

Also,I was looking at my old pics (in recovery,and of course before) and I took few pics too,and I compared them..... well...I can tell I'm not proud of myself...

It's time to loose little bit of weight,and get back my muscles...I have tried lot of things but nothing worked....

So,here is my plan for next 3 months,I will eat everyday ,2-4 meals a day,I will not eat more than 1000 calories,and less than 300 as well.
(I don't want ana back in my life...I want back my muscles....)
I will weight 48-45 till March.
I know Ican do this,cause I do it for me!
I look really shitty now,and I feel shitty too...

I will workout for at least 1 hour and burn about 800 kcal everyday
I will workout 6x per week, 2x cardio/hiit per week


Now my weight is 54kg (before ana I weighted 58 kg,during it 34kg, in recovery after recovery 45-48 kg)
my waist is 74cm big (before ana is was 88cm during it 55cm and after it 68cm)

BODY PLAN : WEIGHT 45-48KG (NOT LESS) TILL MARCH
WAIS SIZE 68-60CM (I DON'T THINK I WILL REACH THIS BUT IT WOULD BE NICE)
HAVE THIGHS GAP
GAIN MUSCLES,LOSE FAT.


Christmas is comming,I know,but since I'm vegetarian/vegan I do not eat meat,fish,junk food (okay time to time I eat pizza)


and of course here is my MEAL PLAN:1000kcal max
EAT YOGHURTS,CHEESES 3X PER WEEK
EAT VEGGIE AND FRUTS EVERYDAY
EAT JUNK FOOD,SWEETS ETC JUST 1X PER WEEK (OR NEVER)
EAT SOUPS
COOK AGAIN
DO NOT OVEREAT MYSELF


WORKOUT PLAN
BURN AT LEAST 800 KCAL
DO FOCUST 25
TABATA
HIIT
BLOGILATES
JILLIAN MICHAELS
FITNESSBLENDER
BOB HARPER
ARE MY NEW BEST FRIENDS FROM NOW


I told myself if I felt tired like really really tired I will not workout,or I will eat a little more.
Also,I do not want to ruin christmas,so I can't allowed myself to be sad....

So here it is,I'm ready.