So I would really want to say you how good I look,how healthy I'm. How many friends I have. And how I'm dating a perfect boy,but I don't want to be the one who is lying you. So I will say the truth,and this is the truth.
I can't say I was't happy. I was,even without "happy pill"
But I think everything went bad when this one teacher started to teach us.
I felt there is something wrong with him (you know that feeling when you are looking at person and you know he is pure evil) But I tried to be "friendly" but he is stupid son of bitch and he hates me (I know it because he told me so.) He is about 35 years old and arrogant,and lofty,and he thinks he knows everything better than we do,and he like to haze us,he lies to tell us things and then scream at us how useless we are. Bu wait,he likes everyone except me and one other girl. Oh I would love to kill he so much I want to see him in pain.
I'm not the kind of person who wish just the worst for others,but if you could see himyou would want to kill him too. And,oh one end of the last school year he was in commission of the teacher who graded ours final works and he told me he didn't think I would made it to the next year,and he told me I'm not good enough. Like okay,he can think whatever he want about be. But why the fuck he had to tell me that. He knew I'm depressed,he knew I'm anorextic. And he had balls to told me this? Who the fuck he think he is?
I really how he won't teach me this year.

And whne school was over I felt like all the pressure just went away. I felt good,free.
But as soone as the holiday came just that soone is went away,and I had few last free days till hell will start again,and to be honest I'm really afrad,becasue I wanted to change myself during the holiday. But someting went wrong and I don't know what it is. Everything I'm sure about it I'm getting bad again.

So I noticed I'm starting to be depressed again...It all started few weeks ago,but it wasn't so strong as it is now.
I will be a week now,and I'm spending most of time in my room,I listen to sad songs,cry,I workout a lot more (I can't see any diferents) And I do not eat,or I eat more than I should,I hate myslef again. I'm scated to go bac to school again. And the voice from my head stared  talk to me again.

I really don't know what to do,because if I told my parents they would say it is just because of school. But I know the fear of school and fear of myself,fear of food,fear of anxiety,fear of being depressed. I know how it feels.

But yea,I'm afrad of school,of course I do.I'm afraid of that teacher,I'm afraid of girls from my school,beacuse they are all rich,and pretty,and the are popular,they got everything they want,and I'm just my,little shy ugly fat girl,who don't have any friends and everyone think she doesn't have feelings. So they can say what they want and she won't feel bad about herself,becasue she is sure used on the thngs like thar. But the don't realise that those words really hurt me and I'm person to,I'm breathing too,just like them.....


I wish I could have special school program,that means I could study from home,and I would go the school just few times,for tests,and grades and sfuff like that. That would be great,but I would have some healthy problems.

But I don't want to talk about school.
I'm afraid I could have overeating or buliamia problems this time. Because I noticed that time to time I eat a lot and I can't stop,and then I do lot of workout like HIIT,or cardio,or kickboxing to burn it out. Like today I ate almost full bread today,at the morning,and since then I didn't eat anything and I workedout for about 3 hours.... I told it to my mom and she said I'm not eating that much,but I think she is wrong I do eat tat much,I atethe whole cake yesterday,I ate all the cookies we had,and I ate one glass of marmalade... And I think that is fucking too much. And things like this started to happening few weeks ago....
I'm frustrated....

I really think it is overeating or buliamia,even the test for eating disorders  I did few time said I may have bulimia or overeating. So why my mom thinks it is normal to eat this much? I have never ate like this even before all te anorexia thing started,I was overweight of course but I never ate like that.....

I need help and I need it now.