It's summer,and I have holidays for two months,and people are traveling,falling in love,make new friends,and I'm here,home,alone where I have nobody to talk to, my parents think I'm lazy and I don't move all day, My mom calls me fat. Like yey my life is "great".

She says I'm fat and then she wondering why I'm depressed?  Like WTF?

There is a reason why I don't want to go out, and wear shorts, you called me fat remmeber?

That's why I'm depressed,and don't want to go out,and eat food,that is the fucking reason!

I wish I have never tell her about anorexia,so I could be still thin,and everything would be fine.she wouldn't call me fat and I woulnd't be depressed,cause the truth is I loved how I looked I didn't hate myself,yes I wated to lose more weight even thought I was thin,but I didn't hate myself so much as I do now.

The only thing I do these days is how many calories,carbs,fats and protein have the food I'm going to eat,and if it is worth it eating, and I ate around 600-800 calories per day this week,and I will probalby continue and get where I was before and I don't care what would people think.

I'm just so messed up, like I seriously was depressed for 4 days and they saw I was, but yet they still yelled at me how worthless I'm and, yeah I started selfharm again, I didn't cut myslef for more than a year and they just fucked it up. Like thank you mom and dad for this shitty summer. You are the best!

I'm tired of pretending I'm fine and happy etc. I'm tired of it. They will yell at me anyways no matter how hard I try,they will always find reason how to mess with me.

There is nothing I could say or do.

I'm tired of this life,of fake smiles and all these stuff.